i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
