MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
