Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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