haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
