good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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