Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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