You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
