my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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