just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
