Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
