there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
