East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
There r osticjed everywhere
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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