That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
