Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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