This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
