Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
