He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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