No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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