i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
