He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
