You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
