Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I need water and some morals
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize