You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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