4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
