I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
