you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
