I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
