Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
