Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I am naked and annoyed.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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