you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
