I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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