Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
