So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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