Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
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