I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
