I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
There's always time for handjobs
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
