Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
