So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
