You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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