TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
