Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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