we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
