Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
