You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
