For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize