New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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