Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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