I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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