Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
