I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
