I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Randomize
