He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
