When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
