just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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