Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
