Im at strip club and am horny
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
