I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize