How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
