There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize