i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
