enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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