just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
This is the high leading the old right now
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
