Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
