You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
