After last night, I could never be a politician.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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