I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize