Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
