One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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