Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
