dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
this hospital has no fireball
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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