He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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