There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
