i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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