While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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