Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The struggles of a small town man whore
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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