I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
