is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
