check it out our google latitudes are spooning
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
