I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
