I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
