Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize