Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
