im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
